


The Very Secret Diary of Prince Lotor

by steelrunner



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, F/M, Inspired by Fanfiction, M/M, Multi, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Skincare, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 00:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14032164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelrunner/pseuds/steelrunner
Summary: Day One: Am back from exile. Father evidentially feeling his age after getting into some catfight, and that bitch of a witch won’t let me see him long enough to finish him off. Also fought some prat in the arena. Did a very impressive hair flip.





	The Very Secret Diary of Prince Lotor

**Author's Note:**

> Lord of the Ring fans know exactly what [this is](http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/). I'm just imitating the master.

**Day One:** Am back from exile. Father evidentially feeling his age after getting into some catfight, and that bitch of a witch won’t let me see him long enough to finish him off. Also fought some prat in the arena. Did a very impressive hair flip.

Emperor Pro Tempore very nice, but not the same as Emperor For Real.

 **Day Two:** Left the squad behind to play cat-and-mouse with the Voltron lions. I don’t think they appreciated the pun.

 **Day Five:** Stole the trans-reality comet from the Voltron idiots! Celebrated by buying new shampoo in bulk and tucking in early. Gave the squad the night off as well and proceeded to regret it mightily when we woke up at a newly-destroyed planet. Will make snippy comments about it until one of them confesses.

 **Day Nine:** Things getting worse and worse, as usual. Acxa is a terrible shot and Lotron™ needs a new head. Cranking up the amount of snippy comments.

 **Day Twenty-One:** Am no longer any kind of emperor. Father is back from the grave, and has developed a midlife crisis resulting in even more armor. The bitch witch obviously eyeing my hair again - she wishes hers could be as good as mine.

Update: Has gotten worse AGAIN. Betrayed by Narti, of all people – possibly bribed with cat treats. Am now on the run with the other three.

 **Day Twenty-Two:** Betrayed AGAIN. Unbelievable. Tried to take a trip off to Sunside Sauna to deal with the stress but Father showed up. Cannot go anywhere, really.

 **Day Twenty-Three:** The radio says Father is having another catfight, somewhere called Naxzela. I hope it’s a spa. See how HE likes getting his moisturizer routine messed with...

Quiznack, I might as well go help out. Haven’t thrown a good temper tantrum in a while anyway.

 **Day Twenty-Four:** Being mistreated for my thoughtful and generous actions yet AGAIN. Am currently imprisoned in the Castle of Lions. Room service is terrible and shampoo is SERIOUSLY lacking. How do they expect to rule the universe like this?

 **Day Twenty-Five:** Surviving. Had some concerns that this new Black Paladin and the Altean princess might be prettier than me, but up close he’s clearly repressed and she obviously uses too much conditioner. They still won’t let me have any facial cleanser, or soap. Barbarians.

 **Day Twenty-Six:** Now the Voltron idiots want to use me as BAIT in some stupid exchange with my father. Tried to tell them that killing me would mean destroying the most attractive Galra alive, but they wouldn’t listen. The small green one insisted on it. What does she know, anyhow? You can see her pores from the other side of the room.

Update: am about to be baited. Wish I had gotten to exfoliate one last time.

 **Day Twenty-Seven:** Killed Father today. His bitchiness since that so-called coma has been unbearable, and moreover he had the nerve to throw me around on this dusty planet – the dirt clogged all my pores. Last straw. Also saw the old squad as they were being thrown out of a flying aircraft, quite fun to watch.

However, technically not Emperor. Would not care, except that bitch Haggar would rub it in my face.

 **Day Twenty-Eight:** Paladins refusing to give me a ride to the Kral Zera. Why did I never bother to get my driver’s license?

 **Day Twenty-Nine:** AM FINALLY EMPEROR. Nagged Black Paladin into giving me a lift to the Kral Zera and naturally won. Would like to find Father’s grave and tell him to suck it, if the spear I stabbed him with hadn’t pierced his windpipe. May go and do it anyway.

Update: The only downside was that Sendak was there and quite pissy about it. Obviously not over the fact that I never called him back. Can’t believe I ever assumed he was proportional…

Definitely, 100% Emperor For Real.

 **Day Thirty:** Still emperor. Spent the day going through Mom’s old stuff with Princess Allura. Seriously concerned she might be prettier than me; unfortunately much more attractive when she doesn’t look like she wants to castrate you. Decided to take a road trip to an exclusive resort, though Allura seems convinced it’s the ancient home of alchemy or suchwhat.

 **Day Thirty-One:** Still emperor, though I wonder what good it is. For some reason the Paladins are joining the road trip. Tried to convince Allura to dump them on the roadside and she just started yammering about destiny. At least now someone else can drive.

 **Day Thirty-Two:** Resort greeting staff very rude, but wouldn’t let the Pala-idiots in, which I appreciate. The rest was a disaster. Assumed temple meant we would be doing yoga but instead there was some ridiculous obstacle course where we had to wrestle a lion. Fairly sure my lion kept going for my ass. And Allura is definitely prettier than me. Not a good day.

Update: Got back to the Paladins, who were on the verge of death or something. Have solved the prettiness problem: will marry her and produce the most devastatingly attractive quarter-Galrans to ever exist. Hopefully Father’s genes will not screw this up.


End file.
